T-minus seven weeks until we meet the newest member of our family. And, it may come to pass that we’re destined to be an all boy blog. Or maybe, we’ll find out that we get a new set of chromosomes in the mix to talk about.
Not knowing the sex of this baby has been less of a tease than I expected. It’s also made it feel like we were still early along in the pregnancy, which has made the pregnancy feel shorter. So that’s a win. Unexpectedly, it has given me time to really process both options in a way that I hadn’t yet and I feel genuinely excited either way.
To be honest, I always wanted to be a boy mom. I wanted four boys – ask anyone in my family. But, I also never expected to work internationally or co-own a recording studio so we play the cards we’re dealt and life comes to pass. In many ways taking us places we never imagined. After the challenges and trials of pregnancy that we’ve faced, Eric and I are very clear that this is our last one. We’re still open to the ways in which our family may grow in the future, but carrying our babies has been physically and emotionally too much of a strain for me. Not finding out the baby’s sex has been a way to draw out the drama of this pregnancy and I’m so happy we’ve decided to play it this way. The unexpected bonus of coming around to the idea of having a girl has been the icing on the cake.
Years ago, I had an interesting conversation with a friend who had recently had a baby girl. She was asking why I didn’t really want girls. And, I never really stopped to think about it but for a gut feeling that I would do better managing fist-fights, messy houses and stinky men than turbulent and hormonal teenage years. But what it boils down to is this. As a woman, I feel additional pressure to represent femininity for a little girl – and I don’t know that I’ve figure that out for myself let alone confident enough to represent it for someone else. In my mid-30s I still feel like I’m catching up on the things that other woman seem to have known all their lives. Everything from baking to decorating to hair, makeup and fashion. Fortunately, at this point, I’m comfortable enough to realize most everyone feels like this in some manner and I absolutely don’t have a problem talking about it.
When I was pregnant with Lucas, a colleague of mine was devastated to find out we were having a boy. He said, “You’d raise the coolest girls. There aren’t enough women who like football and camping.” And now, having parented for the better part of 3 years, I know I wouldn’t raise a little lady any different than Lucas who is learning about books and manners and cooking as much as sports and the outdoors.
I’m also in love with how amazing of a time it is to be a woman. We have our first female presidential candidate (and possibly/hopefully by the time this baby comes, our first female president). The thought of raising a little girl during that presidency makes me more giddy than I ever would have imagined. I heard a story on NPR about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s new book and thinking about the growth and change she’s seen in her life inspired me to think about how far things will come until this generation of girls takes to the workforce. I watched the season premier of Pitch the other night about a female major league baseball player and it made me excited to think about walking along side an ambitious young woman as she navigated life.
I’m not naive. As a young woman in management, I’ve certainly experienced my share of discrimination but I love the challenge of juggling this life and proving people wrong.
So, I’m happy to have held off on getting the final verdict of our family makeup just yet. Letting the mystery linger has been a fun and healthy exercise in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And, if I do indeed end up with my houseful of boys, I’ll be just as happy about that.
I can’t wait to meet this baby and learn all about the little person who is already there – hopes, dreams, personality and all.